Lamentation Blue

The wind took my voice as I cried
for the ruins of myself
for suffering by time
refracted, shot through, by a mirror of light
upon the ebb and flow of ocean and tide

there is the scent of grief inside my dreams,
and whispers of smoke upon the horizon
are haunted by ghosts of my home far away
murmuring songs in the key of life by day

we shall travel in disguise from the garden
take me gently – as I live by night –
we will journey to earth’s edge in order to escape
into gratitude’s gentle embrace,
free from rue
liberty, at last, from lamentation blue.

amidst shades of mourning
the twilight sleep of grief wanes and dies
dampens no more mine own eyes.             I beg thee, take me when you go on contradict this fiction of the heart, whilst I weep by the eastern star  anguish will redeem me upon the dawn.

prayers  for all women upon my lips
for struggle and distress, creation and bliss
a palette of grace inside my heart
detoxify my intentions from regret
for this vision quest, vivid purpose to forget the very bitterness of you      and that devil, lamentation blue

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The Vestals of Psychalgia

Artwork by Gutav Klimt

I am hungry for pain; it is what I eat
nourishes the brain, sharpens the mind
transforms bloats tricks the passage of time

The opium eaters seek to lessen the ache
while the cutters create wounds to celebrate the pain
each performing holy ritual to make it more true
teasing vague memories of before
once where it un-ends too soon

Could you, Would you…?
trade it, unchoose it, intensify it
in lieu of the suffering
that enlightens the soul journey through it

Pain demands a sanctuary to be worshiped be inside
to exalt the deity, raise it on high
to meditate on silent screams heard
only by the vestals tending the shrine

if the pain were to stop would it pass into mist?

now the holy offices are complete,
see the vestals bleed into myth

These Things Which Are Mine to Keep

Love is
a dis-ease
in the blood
lies dormant
incubates & debilitates
the heart, muscle, nerves
mind, the dis-ease
it longs to roam
it desires to thrive
no cure
for this can be dispensed
by pharmacists and shrinks
yet the suffering
Increases:
longing, desperation, and thirst
Drink: poison
from a lover’s lipsWhispered secrets
-gently, gently-
the merest caress
(lies)
Soft, as a kiss
Sing, my foolishness
my delusion
my melody of weakness
of heart, of body
that craved & pined
for the poverty of your love, true

I was chasing my dragon;
I was mainlining you

Antidote Unknown
they say it is Time
the pain lingers, never lessens
throbs & whines
to an hysterical beat
late in the night
in wakefulness and fatigue
pulses and weeps
sighs, begs, calls
“come back to me”

Missing the pressure
of your love
pressed onto mine
your distance
your absence
in the night
my soul calling to yours
with panicked
cries

alleviate this sickness
kiss me again
as when you loved me before

the way you did back then

Afterward to your ghost
I plead
Just leave me.
Please let me rest.
Go away let me
be among the whispers
of the past
no matter
if they be perceptible
only to me

Here, amidst my treasures,
that I hold deep inside
where that broken love
so long bereft
lives on
in spite of your abandonment

This: my love: my deepest secret

These memories are mine,
these secret lover’s oaths
all have been breached
they are fractured, unhealed
in broken disrepair
yet to memory’s senses
fresh, still aware
these, too, are mine
they belong to me
to have
to hold
to obey
to cherish and keep