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Arrwork: Illustrious Cry Me a River by Nguyen Thari Nhan

Loneliness is an echo chamber playing the voices of fear, the enemy of one’s self, the battles whose guns ricochet within the soft palate of the mind binding insecurity to the ever present need for companionship, betrayed ~

it is the place where need is manipulated by despair, and hope betrays solitude inside the soft boundaries of the mind where damage manifests as bruises, soft fruit with prints matching abuser’s ~

and inside the storm is the eye of the warrior entrapped in the winds of time and turbulence~

the cyclone is the laugh of madness, murder in the warrior’s mind, where the turmoil saturates what was once peace, sensory bliss. In the storm you fight and learn to spit upon base cowardice ~

I do not fear, I do not quiver in the storm. Lonesomeness girds me tight on its harness, sound regrets among the fallen, notes captured by me which now I own for my cause~

I am chaos embedded within the storm, a careless power from the void emerged, and born flinty like glints of iron ore junked in the veins beneath the skin, only so much restless dust~

In my mind I roam, meander, wander in uncharted territory ever forbidden to the Others who cannot cross past the revolutions of pressure as I do~

This is chaos, the enemy, artificial order where others sit gluttonous, saturated in false promises, slick from regret

While I dance and roar and make a friend of the rain

Broken Sleep

Hysteria by Natalie Shau

hungry dreams
gall and regret
do feed thee fine
the glass darkly
reflects ashes burnt down by time
fear and remorse and broken sleep
face to face
to thyself bid thee meet
to know thyself seek
the darkest nights
and stay deep therein
until thee find
the fire  inward burning
scourge the body, bleed the mind

Wishing Well

Artwork by Natalie Shau

suffering and sorrow are cash in the till
spent like hollow hope wishing to be filled
into sores and bruises who weep
white noise released into hands received
bitters salted by grief
cherished as good will and sleep
pleasure and pain nursed against all that you meet
unchanged always the eternal recipe
the cost of wisdom, the remainders of bad dreams

Treasure Mine

a pleasant laughter beneath the rose motif
a sharp white kiss with the drag of teeth
dusty fingers in a solemn half light
an undercover lover’s shaded movements and flight
call me your love, neither stop nor think
and I’ll come to you windblown, in darkness, with rich wine to drink

I am a dark stranger and a holy prayer true
with barbs and a cross I will pierce me to you
I constructed this love from creative dreamtime and jewels
leached this power from the hearts of seventeen fools
and now we belong to a tribe of just two
so stay here in my twilight where together we may hide
murmuring northanger and soft, cocoon and treasure mine

We Live Til We Die

You can’t see me because you’re color blind, and you can’t know me for the ghosts in your mind. all I must do in this life is stay black and die; and what you’ll do for me is oppress and deny.
if I reach out will you snatch back and take me from myself, my love and the heart you’ve attacked?
if I say I love you can i trust you not to speak hate? and if I say I love this land does that not deny your police state?
we live together and far apart and these microaggressions tear into my heart. your empire is death; you injure through lies.

we go down together or live til we die

A Heart, Beat

If it hurts, it must be love
she thought
So the tears were bittersweet
And if there’s pain
then the love is truer still
because intensity brings climax
and the sharp edges cut deep
like the words that he hurt her with
and the feeling of loving, after the fights and bruises
ache inside
heartrending and its pace
resounded as proof of romance with every beat

brown-blues-one-eyed-tulips-by-d-lammie-hanson
Brown Blues One Eyed Tulip by D. Lannie Hanson

A mirror’s reflection can never tell you who you are. It’s in the dark and deep silence that the voices of identity whisper their truths. Fear of the dark  is more a fear of your true self  which often resists the noise and the clamor of daylight. The journey between light and and dark takes you into the Self and away from the garish and false imagery that fools us about who we are, who we want to be. Darkness has its own blessings for those with the courage to brazen out the fear. Ultimately you bring gifts of awakening into the light.

Dinosaur Man

the look that you gave me whispered your thoughts
there was desire and wanting but shame and darkness and loss
and next thing i know i felt the need to peel my skin off
you make me feel dirty when you look at me that way
as if brown of the skin is the same as some shit stain
i’m ugly
(you say)
i’m fat
(you say)
i’m alone
(how the hell do you know?)
but who would want would want a nigger with black nappy curls??
those are the things you conveyed in that look and
i will not own your diseased mind
nor your cruelty
nor allow you to pierce me with the thorns in
deathly savage looks

but this much i’m certain that your kind is dying
the dinosaurs are your people
who are fearful of time and future and change

Dinosaur Man you and your people are slipping away
and none will remain to mourn you or your devilish hate
so cross the bridge to oblivion
take stairs down to the abyss of fate
and stay there with those like you
there is nothing for you in this World
no room for what you name “vigilance”
and we who despise you name you “grievous mistake”

Writing poetry is sometimes an exercise in allowing your brain and emotions to bleed freely while you observe the red pools at your feet.

Don’t stop the blood flow. Don’t freak out if you become mesmerized by the process.

Gratitude Over Worry

It’s really a great joy when you can look up from your life, in the midst of work or family or any mundane daily chore and realize that so many of the things you hoped for are actually apart of your life. Even though most days it seems like you don’t know what the hell is going on. Or aren’t sure how you’re going to make it. But you look around and see creativity. Friends whose dynamic energy causes yours to soar. Beloved family. And a home that makes you feel good and protected. That is the proof of karmic flow and God realized prayers. And you can say Thank You. And sleep well at night.